NARCISSISM AND DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES

Narcissism is a much talked about subject today. It seems many people are suffering from this disorder now days. Earlier, say a decade back or two, very few people knew about it and it was a subject that was not discussed as much as it is being discussed today. Narcissism is said to be a disorder and it is also said that it does not have a particular treatment or cure.

A narcissist is a very dominant person who has grand and imposing sense of self. In presence of a narcissist it is really very difficult for anyone else to voice their ideas or opinions. Having a narcissist in life means having no freedom for anything, because narcissists think that they are always right and the whole world is wrong. They invest all their energy in somehow presenting themselves as a person who is best and luckiest at everything and are very powerful. For creating this self image they have to tell lots of lies and have to do a lot of manipulations. People who are living under the authority of a narcissist are called empaths. Empaths have to be a part of the game or manipulation that is played by narcissist. All the energy of an empath is invested in satisfying the unlimited hunger of power of a narcissist. His becomes a never ending game. So if there is no awareness on the part of empath then his/her whole life becomes a stage from where a narcissist performs.

This blog is about the families, those have narcissist as family members. Obviously, having a narcissist in a family makes the family dysfunctional, until unless family consists of a member/s that are mentally and emotionally very strong. In my practice I have never come across such a strong person whose strength can reduce the unhealthy influence of narcissist in the family.

Mainly, this blog is for the empaths, they are the people who have to live with narcissists. I have come across many people who are playing empaths in their homes and workplaces. It is very easy to recognize the empaths due to their low, dull and tired energy field. They look like a cup, out of which the tea had been consumed and is now empty, uninviting and if kept like this for longer time then stinking. Living with a narcissist can be energy draining and very tiring. You can know if you are playing an empath, if all or few below given points are your reality:

  • If you think you are attracting people in your life who are very dominating, authoritative and merciless, then you are an empath.
  • If you think that you are doing many things according to other’s wishes and demand just to avoid the conflict with them, then you are playing an empath.
  • If you find that pleasing other person has become the only motive of your life then please know that you are living/working/are very close to a narcissist.
  • If you feel that your hobbies and your interests have taken a back seat in your life then maybe it is a sign that your energy is being absorbed by a narcissist.
  • A very common sign of being an empath is that you feel drained and tired all the time without any particular physical engagement.

If you can relate with more than two points here then there is a big possibility that you are an empath and there is a narcissist in your life.

My personal view is that empath just does not have only one narcissist in form of parent/spouse/boss; rather it is a pattern of life to attract dominating and authoritative people in life. Few among these people occupy many years of life and few go away soon.

So if you think you are an empath then best way is to lead the life without the narcissist, means to leave the dominant, authoritative and manipulative person and move on in your life. But this is not always immediately possible. So till you make it possible there are few tips that will keep you grounded and strong. Following points will be helpful to you in coming out of the role of empath and lead a better life:

  • ENERGY CONSERVATION: Narcissists choose simple and obedient people in their immediate surroundings and live on their energy. It is easy to manipulate such people. Since all the energy of an empath is consumed by the narcissist it becomes difficult for the empath to even think about how to come out of the web of manipulation and lies. Most of the time is spent in giving explanation to the narcissist. So, energy conservation is a must in order to come out of the clutches of a narcissist. It can be done by observing/ practicing silence as and when it is possible. Stop giving explanations and save lot of energy.
  • OLD HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: please start again with your old interests and hobbies and do things that give you joy and happiness. A narcissists very cunningly keeps you away from your hobbies by calling it unproductive, and demands you to either earn money through your hobbies or leave them altogether if it is not fetching you any money. Do not fall prey to this trap. Keep doing consistently what gives you happiness. Keep practicing this daily. This will give you strength and power to take a stand for yourself.
  • ROUTINE: Generally, the routine of an empath surrounds the wish and will of the narcissist, who is in charge of empath’s life. So, here what an empath needs to do is to slowly break away and establish own routine in a balance way. This can also include having independent friends and socializing. The basic idea here is to slowly establish own independent life.
  • FREEDOM : If in any case empath depends on narcissists financially then things become a bit tricky and slow, but definitely it is possible to create a financial backing for yourself. Try to create freedom for yourself on all levels, physical, mental, emotional, financial and on spiritual level. All this becomes easy if you are financially independent. So create financial freedom for yourself.

The first step towards a life free from narcissism is to be aware of your own self and then there can be a will for living a better life. Then all it takes a little time and practice to be free of authoritative, dominating and merciless people in life.

RAMA AWASTHI

HYPNOTHERAPIST AND COUNSELLOR

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